Being Plump in an Opinionated Society

Every time I stepped out of my house and bumped into some neighbourhood aunty or uncle, the first thing I hear, before or after the basic greetings, is, “What, Kanna, you have become so fat” I never knew if it was a question or an exclamation. Either way, it was offensive. Regardless of whether words like “Kanna”, “Chellam”, “Kutty ma” are added or not. And he/she seemed to have no awareness or care of how mean and catastrophic such a comment could be. Now imagine getting these comments mostly at the start of your day.

Long before the breach of COVID-19 into our lives, I had a habit of going for a walk by the beach. Every day, I woke up at 5 a.m., did my morning rituals, wore my tracks and tees, pulled back my hair into a high-pony or plait, tied the lace of my running shoes, and left home by 5:30 a.m. I took my Mobile, headphone, smartwatch, some cash, and a napkin along with me. I drove myself to the beach and parked by scooty in the service road. I used my Adidas Running App and Spotify to help me with my walk interspersed with jogging and running. After 45mins, I returned back home after having a tender coconut from the usual Elaneer Anna. I did this religiously for a few months until my 6 a.m. classes commenced.

Intermittently, some uncle or aunty found me either by the beach or near my house while I leave or come back, and obstinately devised the necessity, time, and urgency to approach and notify me about their recurrent observation of my increased weight or size, or sometimes, both. In addition, they always have an explanation for why they feel obliged to make such a note – plausible concern and apprehension. How would I find a suitable groom? Even if I do, wouldn’t he ask for more dowry than what is apposite? What if I develop a medical problem? Diabetes? BP? Cancer? Cholera? (wait, what?) What if I remain fat even after I grow old? Wouldn’t people make fun of me? If there is only going to a snowball effect on my weight, how would someone love me? It is good that had started to go for a walk, but that’s not enough. I needed to control my food. Then all these zits will disappear. Should drink warm water with lemon and honey early in the morning…

How would you react to these de trop consultations? My reaction would be the same always. Smile abashed on the surface, nod occasionally but grapple in my mind to subdue an augmenting mound of passive-aggressive responses. At the end of his/her baloney ranting, I would euphemistically assure to abide. I could always give a nasty reply and walk away. If only we weren’t told and taught to be polite to all elders, however malicious their words gnaw at us.

Besides, this was just one aspect. Receiving redundant comments and opinions whenever I wear a dress that is short or tight, put on heels, or eat a bit more of what I like, has become accustomed. For, they will only see me as an embodiment of amiss measurements. I am more than that. 

They will never understand that being curvy is my choice. As is eating what I wish and wearing what I like. They will never know that I go for a walk by the beach every day, not because I wish to slim down, but because I am a person who simply prefers to be there. A person that loves the beach, the chilliness of gentle early morning breeze, the blended aroma of salt, the view of a flock of pigeons flying in unison, the rays of the breaking dawn bursting through the clouds, shimmering on the sea, and the calmness amongst a throng of individuals. That the picture of kids walking with parents, guiding their grandparents by hand, playing with dogs, learning to ride a cycle and roller-skating, factions of people learning various skills, healthy refreshments stalls crowded with clans of tired smiling faces and exhausted enthusiasts, photo shoots at random places, youngsters playing cricket, volleyball and other sports, and poised police horses with cops on them, puts a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. That watching groups of people do what they please and admire is actually motivating and galvanizing. That it makes me believe there is no resolved perfection. They will never notice that it is that time of the day when, despite the sweaty morning face, I feel the most beautiful and alive. They will never see me for who I am rather than being hazed over by my physical fiasco. They will never know the girl who smiles the brightest in spite of these predicaments because I accept and love me as I am.