Weird Choices

She, He and Love - Chapter 2

I stood in front of the counter, waiting for the Chicken Zingy Parcel that had been misplaced by the staff. Priyanka loved Zingy Parcel. I don’t know why? But then she is a person of weird choices and preferences. She chose me.

“What are you smiling at?” Kishore’s voice cut in my flow of thoughts.

I could have said something, but I liked where my flow of thoughts were headed to, that I did not want to snap out of it. So I just shook my head to him and jumped into the memory carousal of her weird choices. We met in the most unexpected place – the gym. I was so fat back then that no girl used to voluntarily talk to me and she was the first one to do that. She became my training partner and we both had the same trainer. When most girls would either judge people and be more rude, or dress up for the gym and assume you are eye-balling them when you have just looked their way, she was someone who just wore what she felt comfortable in and was friendly to everyone at the gym. When most girls believed lifting weights might make them look masculine, she lifted weights and did kick-boxing training. Initially, I had a crush on her. That was the major push for me to work hard, diet more, and get into shape. I was an XL and she was an L. I was an introvert and she was an extrovert. We would have made the perfect couple, I thought. But then, by the time I got into shape, we had become good friends and she told me that she was in a huge mess and was doing her best to solve it. She also got busy figuring out what she wanted to do in life and I found no time to confess my feelings to her. Eventually, it faded and we just remained friends. Or so I thought, until that night two weeks ago, when she said she had feelings for me. I had to cut the call saying I would respond soon.

The moment the call was disconnected, all the suppressed feelings I had for her crept back in me slowly. Yet, I had my doubts. So I called her and asked why she suddenly had feelings for me. Thinking of the three reasons she gave put a grin on my face – 3. It was not sudden, she started to like me slowly as she got to know me more; 2. I fulfilled her dream – there were few kids in the park in our area (we lived nearby) and they were the children of parents who earned daily wages. Some of them went to government schools and some were uneducated. She had a dream of teaching them English because they wanted to learn to speak in English (yes, she befriended them as well). But she couldn’t because she did not have time when they did. So I did what she wanted to do – I taught those kids three days a week in the same park, since then, in her stead; 1. I made the most amazing Briyani. I chuckled silently. The weirdest choices ever. But that was how I fell in love with her. She did not like me because I looked good after my weight loss. She liked me because of who I was. All these years of being a fat, shy, introvert who had no girlfriends but constantly wished for one, had turned me into an awfully romantic person, I guess. Because I was in love with her weird choices.

“Sorry for making you wait, sir. Please enjoy your food” I blinked back to reality.

With a smile full of happiness I picked up the order along with Kishore and turned around, only to notice the empty chair. I looked around as we walked back and placed the food on the table. “Where did Priyanka go?” I asked the gang.

“Didn’t she tell you? She got up and left suddenly, saying you know she can’t stay after 6,” said Reema, nonchalantly.

“What?”

“She said she will inform you before leaving, didn’t she?”

Priyanka is NOT someone who would leave like that. Unless… “Did something happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why did she leave?”

“I don’t know, yaar. You should know, she is your friend na. How would I know? Now tell me when is your girlfriend coming?”

“What is wrong with you? Din’t you just say she left?”

Everyone stopped eating. Reema’s eyes almost popped out. “Priyanka is your girlfriend?” Viraj asked slowly. At that question, I knew what would have happened. “Then why didn’t she tell us when we asked?”

With a mild frustration erupting in me, I asked, “What did you ask her?”

Everyone noticed the intensity in my voice and became motionless and silent. At that moment, I knew I did not want to know what their question was. I shot up from the chair and left the room because I was too enraged to speak or even look at them. Once I was out, I did the first possible thing I could think of – I took out my mobile and called her. No response. I called her again as I looked around and at the opposite bus stop, searching for her. But she was nowhere to be found. She rejected my call. I was about to call her again when my mobile received a text message from her.
Amma txtd.
Something came up.
Sorry I left without informing.
Will explain you later.

It was a lie. 3 years of knowing her, I learned about her so much. Much enough to identify her admissible lies from the truth. And I knew for a fact that she was lying in that text just like how she lied when I noticed her nervousness some time ago.

Please pick up my call. I texted her back and immediately called her. No response. I called again. Rejected. I tried again. Switched off. “Shit!”

I was losing my temper, as I moved to my bike. “Never drive when you are angry. You never think straight when you are angry.” Priyanka’s voice warned me in my head. A relevant audio flashback. I inhaled deep and began to ride. I avoided the crowded road and chose a path with not many people in it, although I had no idea where it was leading me to. As I sped, my bike roared, echoing the outrage flaring up in me.

The sky became a bit cloudy, maybe it was about to rain. The cool breeze, dim-lit evening, and the smell of the earth made me take some deep breaths. Some drops of rain that drizzled on me, cleared the mayhem in my mind. I calmed down and started to think rationally and my bike slowed as I realized that it was my mistake.

I should have told people clearly that she was my girlfriend before this chaos broke down. How stupid of me to think they would connect the dots and understand. But mainly, it was my mistake because I knew Priyanka. I knew the way she would respond to some situations and overthink about some. I knew that she had always put on a tough-girl costume, only to hide her bare, naive insecurities. But usually, she was not someone who cared much about what others thought about her. This time, if this had bothered her, she could have thought it was important for my friends to like her. Or worse – she could have judged herself and the validity of our relationship from the blindness of my friends. My second guess scared me, but it had more chances of being the truth.

Although they were my friends, they have hardly known me for a year. They knew almost nothing about me compared to Priyanka.

Priyanka was a very strong girl with a soft heart. She was a lion to others, only to protect the deer in her. She wasn’t like that three years ago. Back then, she was a cheerful, friendly person crowned with joy. Being with her gave me the feeling of having a warm cup of tea on a rainy day. But then, life happened – her friend betrayed her, she had some medical issues, family problems, work stress – and she lost herself amidst this loop of misfortunes. She became a spicy pepper soup on a hot day. Yet she was the most beautiful and the best thing that happened in my life. How I wish she would stop underestimating herself and understand what she means to people who actually love and adore her.

As soon as I reached my home, I headed straight to my room and called her. No response. If there was one thing I learned from Priyanka, it was that I needed to communicate. ‘Communication solves everything’ is what she believed. And in this situation, it was the only solution. I texted her because I knew she was not going to pick up my call how many ever times I tried:
We’ve GOT to talk. So please text me back.

The double tick confirmed the delivery. I kept staring at her name and her tiny face at the top, wishing for an ‘Online’ or ‘Typing’ to appear below it. I kept staring at it all night until I dozed off.

I woke up and the usual laziness was nowhere to be found. My hand quickly grabbed my mobile. It was 10:30 A.M. and I had received a text from her.
Let’s meet at the same place
As yesterday
Same time

Waiting for 7 hours was exasperating because time is this cunning thing that moves slow only when we want it to move fast. So when the time came, I was fully prepared. I wore her favorite plain white tees with a blue denim coat, black jeans, and converse shoes. I combed my hair upwards, just the way she liked. My left pocket had a Silk Bubbly in it and my right pocket had a Bournville 50% Dark Chocolate. I could have got flowers instead, but she hated flowers. (As I said, weird choices.) And I had come 15 minutes early. I did not know what I was prepared for. Yet, I was.

She walked in at last at 5:35 P.M. I flashed my happiest smile. She liked my smile even when I was fat. She called it cute and warm.

She smiled back at me, but her smile was filled with anything but happiness. I started to shake my leg rapidly, my nervousness was too much to be subtle. We both were silent for almost a minute after which I lost my patience and opened my mouth to speak but she cut in, “Let’s break up”

My legs stopped shaking. My mind stopped working. I sat there frozen, staring at her. My heart pleaded with luck to make her look at my eyes because she looked nowhere above my chest. I slowly inhaled. I could not find words to respond to that. I did not even want to respond. I just wanted her to fucking look at me. Her voice saying, “I like you, Dev. I like you so much. I have liked you for quite some time now, that I thought I should tell you,” echoed in my mind. I had the same reaction then as well. But a moment after listening to that, my heart was filled with warmth that multiplied into elation. Now, after listening to her propose a breakup, my heart was filled with numbness that was soon replaced by a gushing pain. A pain that slowly moved from heart to gut, where it paused to kick hard, and then mildly delegated its power to the rest of me. At that moment I knew what I was prepared for. At that moment, I knew I could never be fully prepared for her weird choices.

To be continued